High Impact Humor -- Speech Writing

Example:  Introduction of Award Recipient
    One of the most effective uses of our services is to send us a speech that you've already written and let
    us add the humor to it.  We will write unique jokes connected to the appropriate points in your speech.  
    While maintaining your message and the dignity of your presentation, our "punch-ups" will help you
    deliver your message more effectively, while helping your audience truly enjoy the event.

    In the example below, the text in normal font is the previously written speech. The text in bold font was
    added by HIGH IMPACT HUMOR. (Some details have been changed to protect the privacy of the
    honoree.)

    To see how effective the humor is, first read the speech without the bold text, then read the entire piece.  
    You'll see how the humor can energize the speaker, make the spotlight shine brighter on the honoree
    and ensure that the audience has a great experience.
    Let me tell you a bit about Dr. Iris Jones before she comes up here to accept her award.

    There’s a lot to tell, so make yourselves comfortable.  In fact, you better call home and tell
    your families you’ll be late.

    Dr. Jones currently heads up advanced materials engineering at “Company X.”

    You know, I was personally very excited about this.  I felt Dr. Jones’s work in materials would
    give us some common ground, because I spent many years in the leather business, supplying
    material for automotive interiors.  On the other hand, the leather industry’s idea of “advanced
    materials” is a cow that hasn’t been born yet.

    Dr. Jones has a bachelor’s degree from the University of Detroit, a masters degree from Michigan State,
    and a PhD in organic chemistry from the University of Michigan.

    And I suspect from her long list of activities—which I’ll tell you about shortly—that she also
    has a PhD in time management.

    Dr. Jones has held many positions in the automotive industry.  (Read list of employers and positions
    held.)

    In all of these positions she has focused on material development.  So, forget about Madonna;
    Dr. Jones is the original “Material Girl.”
      
    And, she continues to be active in the academic world.  (Read list of universities at which Dr. Jones has
    been a visiting professor.)

    Since she is a professor,  I was going to ask Dr. Jones to teach me a few things about organic
    chemistry.  But then I realized she’d probably give me a test.

    Dr. Jones is a very prolific writer.  She has published more than 75 articles and edited or co-authored
    three books.  

    Unfortunately, she had to turn down an invitation to join Bill Clinton on a book-signing tour
    this summer.

    Dr. Jones is extremely creative and inventive.  She has been awarded 28 patents.  

    Right now she’s working on invention number 29; it’s a device to keep speakers like me from
    talking too long.  But it’s not ready yet, so I’ll continue.

    (Read list of professional societies that Dr. Jones has belonged to, including many in which she held the
    position of “chair person.”)

    I think she’s held more chairs than a stock boy at Art Van Furniture.

    (Read list of awards that Dr. Jones has received)

    I think the only awards she hasn’t gotten are the Daytime Emmy for Best Talk Show and MVP in
    the NBA playoffs.

    (Read list of the many committees that Dr. Jones has served on.)

    Dr. Jones,  I’m so relieved you found something to do with all your spare time.
      
    Dr. Jones is an automotive person through and through.  In addition to working for world-class automotive
    companies, she has also been active in restoring old cars as a hobby.

    (Look at Dr. Jones)  What I’d like to know, Dr. Jones, is this:  When you’re restoring one of those
    fifty year old cars, aren’t you tempted to replace some of those old materials with one of your
    new concoctions?  And my other question is this:  Isn’t that cheating?

    Some of Dr. Jones’s accomplishments extend beyond the automotive world.  For example, every spring,
    in her community, she organizes senior citizen plantings.

    Senior citizen plantings.  That’s very nice, but we prefer to call them “funerals.”

    (Softer version:  Senior citizen plantings.  I didn’t realize there were that many senior citizens
    who wanted to be planted.)

    Not only that, but she is also an accomplished gardener.

    I wish I had her gardening skills.  But you have to admit she has an unfair advantage.  I mean, I
    try talk to my flowers, and I say, “Hi. How do you do? My name is Michelle.”  But they just
    ignore me.  But, Dr. Jones says, “Hi.  My name is Iris.”  And all the flowers yell, “Hey, she’s one
    of us!”

    Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you—Dr. Iris Jones.
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