High Impact Humor -- Contract Comedy Writing

Example:  Song Parody
    Below is a parody on Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover."  The new lyrics seem appropriate
    in light of the Detroit Lion's habit of losing games and President Matt Millen's habit of replacing
    coaches frequently while doing little to help the team win.  It almost seems as though he wants them to
    lose.  (Original lyrics in black)

                                          Matt Millen’s Advice to the Detroit Lions
                                                                    or
          “Fifty Ways to Lose Another”

    The problem is all inside your head
    The problem is all inside your head
    She said to me
    He told the team
    The answer is easy if you
    The answer would be easy if you
    Take it logically
    Had no self-esteem.
    I'd like to help you in your struggle
    I’d like you to help me in my struggle
    To be free
    To kill the dream
    There must be fifty ways
    There must be fifty ways
    To leave your lover
    To lose another

    She said it's really not my habit
    He said it’s really not my habit
    To intrude
    To intrude
    Furthermore, I hope my meaning
    I just sit up there in my box
    Won't be lost or misconstrued
    And watch the team come all unglued
    But I'll repeat myself
    But I’ll repeat myself
    At the risk of being crude
    Because that’s all I ever do
    There must be fifty ways
    There must be fifty ways
    To leave your lover
    To lose another
    Fifty ways to leave your lover
    Fifty ways to lose another

    CHORUS:
    You Just slip out the back, Jack
    Just get your quarterback sacked, Jack
    Make a new plan, Stan
    Block the wrong man, Stan
    You don't need to be coy, Roy
    Keep jumping offsides, Clyde
    Just get yourself free
    Just be sure you don’t score
    Hop on the bus, Gus
    Snap the ball late, Nate
    You don't need to discuss much
    You don’t need to explain, Duane
    Just drop off the key, Lee
    Just drop the ol’ ball, Paul
    And get yourself free
    And you know you won’t score.

    She said it grieves me so
    He said it pleases me so
    To see you in such pain
    To see you in such pain
    I wish there was something I could do
    I wish there was something I could do
    To make you smile again
    To make sure you never win again
    I said I appreciate that
    I said I don’t think I appreciate that
    And would you please explain
    But would you please explain
    About the fifty ways
    About the fifty ways

    She said why don't we both
    He said why don’t we both
    Just sleep on it tonight
    Just sleep on it this season
    And I believe in the morning
    And I believe that by next fall
    You'll begin to see the light
    You’ll begin to see the reason
    And then she kissed me
    And then he fired me
    And I realized she probably was right
    And I realized he probably was right
    There must be fifty ways
    There must be fifty ways
    To leave your lover
    To lose another
    Fifty ways to leave your lover
    Fifty ways to lose another

    CHORUS:
    You Just slip out the back, Jack
    You just upset the ref, Jeff
    Make a new plan, Stan
    Run the play slow, Joe
    You don't need to be coy, Roy
    Miss the extra point kick, Nick
    Just get yourself free
    Just be sure you don’t score
    Hop on the bus, Gus
    Run the wrong play, Ray
    You don't need to discuss much
    You don’t need to explain, Wayne
    Just drop off the key, Lee
    Just hold the ball loose, Bruce
    And get yourself free
    And you know you won’t score.

    END
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