Today's Dosage of Bill's Pills   (Updated each weekday)
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Friday, Apr 3

President Trump has granted Michigan Governor Whitmer’s request to use the National Guard troops
and equipment for humanitarian missions, such as food distribution.
 ***  Seriously, that’s great news! It
comforts Michigan’s home-bound seniors to know that if there’s ever a problem with Meals on Wheels there will
always be Snacks on Tracks.


Thursday, Apr 2

Sociologists are saying that even though long periods of home confinement due to COVID-19 can be
challenging for families, one bright spot is that we’re all re-learning how to communicate with each
other face-to-face.
 ***  In fact, just this morning I said to my wife, ”Since we played Monopoly yesterday, let’s
play Parcheesi today.   Send.”


Wednesday, Apr 1

These days, it seems more and more people are quoting that old saying, “A man hears what he wants
to hear.”  ***
 You know, there’s a lot of truth to that. For example, when I overheard that phrase last week I
thought someone had finally developed a better hearing aid.


Tuesday, Mar 31

Law enforcement authorities are warning seniors of the “Hey, Grandma” telephone scam in which the
caller pretends to be a grandchild, says they are in desperate need of money, and gives instructions
on where to send it.
*** Well, you gotta admire the scammer's initiative; that’s a lot of work for five bucks and a
Dollar Store birthday card.


Monday, Mar 30

Many health experts are now urging all of us to purchase our needed goods online and, when the
package is delivered, leave it in the garage for 2 or 3 days.  
 ***  Note to family and friends:  This year our
Thanksgiving dinner will start on a Monday. Please enter through the garage.


Friday, Mar 27

Although many observers are giving Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmore high marks for her
response to COVID-19, President Trump slammed her in an interview on the Sean Hannity Show,
saying, “…she's not stepping up. I don't know if she knows what's going on, but all she does is sit
there…”
  ***   At which point Mr. Hannity leaned forward and whispered, “Excuse me, Mr. President, but you’re
looking at a photograph.”


Thursday, Mar 26

In a study in the “New England Journal of Medicine,” researchers found that the surface material that
kills virus cells the fastest is copper.
 ***  Coincidentally, “copper” pretty much describes the money left in my
retirement account.


Wednesday, Mar 25

When asked why he doesn’t speak up at press briefings when President Trump says something that’s
not true, the diminutive Dr. Fauci said, “I can’t jump in front of the microphone and push him down.”
 
***  “But next time I might bite his ankles.”


Tuesday, Mar 24

The Kardashians say they are adhering to CDC’s recommendations and maintaining a person-to-
person separation of at least 6 feet.
***  Or, in Kardashian units, about 2 kimbutts.


Monday, Mar 23

COVID-19 researchers say “social distancing” can reduce a person’s risk of getting infected.  ***  Their
first clue was when they studied the first 1,000 patients and found there wasn’t a single engineer.


Friday, Mar 20

With so many people confined to their homes, making sacrifices and feeling increasingly stressed, the
Hallmark Channel announced it will air re-runs of 27 old Christmas movies in a  3-day “Christmas
Movie Marathon.”
 ***  Geesh, as if we haven’t already suffered enough…


Thursday, Mar 19

To reduce stress caused by COVID-19 concerns and confinement, some people recommend
unpacking last year's Christmas lights and hanging them back up.
  ***  Or, in our case, just plugging them
back in.


Wednesday, Mar 18

The CDC is now warning everyone to stay at least 6 feet away from each other.   ***   Actually, parents
told us kids the same thing 60 years ago--back when we all had hula hoops.  


Tuesday, Mar 17

Delta Air Lines announced it is cutting its flights by 40%.  ***  So, it looks like my upcoming flight from Detroit
to Salt Lake City will be landing somewhere in the middle of Nebraska.


Monday, Mar 16

Because of concerns over COVID-19, anyone wanting to meet with President Trump or Vice President
Pence must now get a temperature scan.
  ***  What a hassle! Previously, you just had to put on a MAGA hat
and sign a loyalty oath.


Friday, Mar 13

A study in the UK found that almost 10% of elderly people go an entire week without speaking face-to-
face with someone, and the director of “Age UK” says it’s because younger people can’t take a minute
to ask, “Hello, how are you?”
  ***  Actually, it’s because they can’t take an hour to listen to the answer.


Thursday, Mar 12

In spite of concerns over the spread of Coronavirus, many venues are proceeding with planned
activities, but they are taking extra precautions, such as a recent senior center event in which the
chairs were placed 3 feet apart.
  ***   Hopefully this will clarify my earlier report that none of us seniors were
worried about the virus because we were all spaced out.  


Wednesday, Mar 11

Walmart announced that an employee has tested positive for Coronavirus.   ***   The company’s stock is
now plunging amid fears that the global disease is being transmitted primarily by flip-flops.


Tuesday, Mar 10

Many voters are reportedly concerned that the three leading presidential candidates—Trump, Biden
and Sanders—are all in their 70’s, so regardless of election results, the next office holder will have a
high risk of health issues, limited physical endurance and diminished cognitive powers.
***  However,
many of us seniors prefer to look at the bright side: In the next presidential library, with all its historic books and
documents, everything will be large-print.  


Monday, Mar 9

Prince Harry and Meghan were photographed arriving at the Endeavor Fund Awards, walking under
an umbrella in the rain, in their first public appearance after stepping away from the royal life
 ***  
Thank goodness they had the umbrella to keep them dry while Harry tried to remember how to open a door.


Friday, Mar 6

ABC has put out a casting call for people 65 and over to star in a new version of “The Bachelor” which
will focus on “seniors looking for love.”
 ***  According to Hollywood insiders, the show will be called “The
Geezer.”


Thursday, Mar 5

"Shark Tank" judge Barbara Corcoran has recovered nearly $400,000 she had lost in an elaborate e-
mail scam.  ***
 If the perpetrator is ever caught he or she is going to face some very tough questioning: “How did
you get into this business? Is your scam unique? Are you looking for partners? How much more capital do you
need?...”


Wednesday, Mar 4

A study by University of Nevada researchers found that drivers of flashy, expensive vehicles are
generally less courteous; in fact, for every extra $1,000 that a vehicle is worth, the driver is 3% less
likely to allow pedestrians to cross the road.
  ***  Based on those results, now every time Tesla raises the
price of a self-driving car they also need to re-program it.


Tuesday, Mar 3

Yesterday Michigan officials announced that several Secretary of State offices were experiencing
technical problems with their cameras.
 ***  People planning to come in for a driver’s license were advised to
be patient and allow additional time for the sketch artist.


Monday, Mar 2

Chris Taylor, a Safford, Arizona, city council member and former drug user, suspended his campaign
for U.S. Congress after suffering a relapse and overdosing on heroin.
 ***  Alex, I’ll take “Things even a
politician can’t spin” for $600.
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