Today's Dosage of Bill's Pills   (Updated each weekday)
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Tuesday, Sep 17

A transatlantic flight was diverted to Ireland after the pilot spilled coffee on the controls, causing
heat, smoke and a burning odor.  ***
 Hmmm, sounds like Starbucks' extra-strong morning-wake-up blend.

Monday, Sep 16

For adventurous travelers, a unique hotel—the North Pole Igloos—will be opening at the North Pole
in April, 2020.
  ***   The only drawback is that you have to help make toys.

Friday, Sep 13

The designer of the Seibu Railway commuter train in Japan says his intent was to “make a train that
feels like a living room.”
  ***   So, every 15 minutes someone comes in and fights you for the remote,
complains about the temperature and tells you to get your shoes off the couch.

Thursday, Sep 12

Researchers at the Smithsonian have identified a new species of electric eel that can generate 30%
more voltage than the previously known species.
  ***   They determined that by connecting the eels to a
Tesla and measuring top speed.

Wednesday, Sep 11

On Monday, President Trump took Air Force One to North Carolina to see the aftermath of Hurricane
***  Then, to see the most extreme damage, he told the pilots to fly over Alabama and look for an area
surrounded by a thick black line.

Tuesday, Sep 10

Scientists at Seattle’s Allen Institute have developed a robot that was able to pass an 8th grade
science test.
 ***   But the really impressive thing is that while taking the test it was also throwing spitwads.

Monday, Sep 9

A miniature horse was allowed on a recent American Airlines flight because it was a passenger’s
“support animal.”
 ***  “Flight 555 to Omaha is now boarding at Corral #2.”

Friday, Sep 6

Harvard researchers have found that football players who suffer concussions are more likely to
develop erectile dysfunction.
 ***  As a result, the NFL has revised its “concussion protocol,” and players sent
to the locker room after a hard hit now get to take a much different test.

Thursday, Sep 5

A recent survey found that people become impatient when a traffic light takes more than 25 seconds
to change or when a web page takes more than 16 seconds to load.  
***   Or when a survey takes more
than 2 seconds to complete.

Wednesday, Sep 4

Billy Bush, who interviewed Donald Trump in the infamous “Access Hollywood” tape, has been hired
as the new host of “Extra,” although the producers renamed it “Extra Extra.”
  ***   And made him change
his name to Billy Billy.

Tuesday, Sep 3

A study at the University of Alabama found that children whose diets include a lot of fast food are
more likely to suffer from depression.  
 ***   Well, I guess the folks at McDonald’s are going to need a new
name for Happy Meals.

Friday, Aug 30

Larry King is divorcing his wife Shawn and his family says it’s “a huge weight off his shoulders.”   ***   
They said Larry’s back was really starting to hurt and Shawn kept hitting her head on the ceiling.   

Thursday, Aug 29

When Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck announced his decision to retire because of
injuries, the team’s owner said he could be walking away from $500 million.
 ***  So, he apparently
suffered some brain damage.

Wednesday, Aug 28

Presidential candidate Marianne Williamson says if she is elected she will remove Donald Trump’s
favorite painting of Andrew Jackson from the Oval Office.
  ***  Apparently she just doesn’t like paintings on
black velvet.

Tuesday, Aug 27

The University of Florida band director was attacked after a football game against the University of
 ***  Fortunately, he was prepared to defend himself, although he wasn’t actually licensed to carry a
concealed baton.

Monday, Aug 26

Christie Brinkley was interviewed about being on “Dancing with the Stars” at age 65 and said, “A lot of
people my age don’t go out of their comfort zone.”
  ***  As I recall, just being 65 was out of my comfort zone.

Friday, Aug 23

In spite of the official statements, autopsy results and physical evidence, conspiracy believers still
say Jeffrey Epstein did not hang himself.
  ***  They’re claiming it’s just another example of fake noose.

Thursday, Aug 22

After studying 500 pet owners, researchers at UCLA say they did not find any evidence of the “crazy
cat lady” stereotype.  
 ***    However, their study did provide further evidence of another stereotype: “crazy
UCLA researchers.”

Wednesday, Aug 21

Tiffany Trump says her sparkling portrait created by artist Bling Colombia uses Swarovski crystals and
is “a gorgeous work of art.”
  ***   Actually, it’s the first official White House portrait made with leftover
rhinestones and a Bedazzler.

Tuesday, Aug 20

Actress Whitney Port says one of her biggest regrets is passing up an opportunity to have a one-night
stand with Leonardo DiCaprio.
 ***  On the other hand, this makes her a member of a very exclusive group –
women who have not had a one-night stand with DiCaprio.

Monday, Aug 19

The Louisiana woman arrested for pouring hot oil on her boyfriend was found to have a history of
brutally attacking boyfriends.
  ***   Lesson learned: Never date a woman whose photos are all
selfies with an ER in the background.
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