|Today's Dosage of Bill's Pills (Updated each weekday)
Friday, Jun 21
A Delta flight from Indianapolis to Paris was diverted to Detroit to deplane a passenger who had
smacked a flight attendant. *** He was last overheard telling an FBI agent, “Honest, when she came by with
the cart I thought she said ‘Time for smacks.’ I thought well, maybe things are different here in first class.”
Thursday, Jun 20
Cuba Gooding Jr., whose film credits include “A Few Good Men,” has been accused of groping an
unknown woman in a New York City bar. *** Mr. Gooding is hoping the subsequent legal actions won’t
interfere with the filming of his latest movie, “A Few Good Men and One Creepy One.”
Wednesday, Jun 19
Facebook recently shut down 2.28 billion fraudulent accounts. *** Using a highly complex sorting
algorithm, they took down any account that didn’t have selfies, grandchildren or a cat video.
Tuesday, Jun 18
OJ Simpson has been released from prison and he says he’s going to spend some time “getting
even.” *** Yeah -- even meaner, even creepier and even dumber.
Monday, June 17
This past weekend Mass was celebrated at Notre Dame Cathedral for the first time since the fire, and
because of the risk from falling debris the congregation and the priests all wore protective hard
hats. *** And, as usual, the altar boys all wore their protective underwear.
Friday, Jun 14
The mayor of Bruges, Belgium is trying to control the influx of tourists and he said, “We don't want it
to become a complete Disneyland here.” *** On the other hand, he did put up all those signs that say, “You
must be THIS tall to visit Bruges.”
Thursday, Jun 13
Burger King is condemning the actions of an employee after a customer’s video showed him cleaning
a table with a floor mop. *** Well, at least he didn’t use the toilet bowl brush.
Wednesday, Jun 12
According to an environmental advocacy group, traces of weed killer have been found in many
brands of cereal. *** Well, that certainly explains why I’ve never seen dandelions in my Cheerios.
Tuesday, Jun 11
An oak tree that was planted on the South Lawn of the White House last year by French President
Macron and American President Trump has died. *** Maybe they took the international friendship theme
too far when they watered it with French wine and fertilized it with Big Macs.
Monday, Jun 10
A recent study by the British Heart Association found that people can drink as much as 25 cups of
coffee a day without damaging their heart. *** With that much caffeine most of their injuries will come from
starting fights in the line at Starbucks.
Friday, Jun 7
Beverly Hills has become the first U.S. city to ban the sale of tobacco products, and Mayor John
Mirisch proclaimed, “This reflects the values of our community.” *** He said the people of Beverly Hills
believe money is better spent on facelifts, tummy tucks and tanning salons.
Thursday, Jun 6
Contrary to earlier reports, Kim Jong Un apparently showed some restraint and did not execute the
man who led the failed denuclearization talks with President Trump. *** He only executed the guy
responsible for the cold coffee and stale croissants.
Wednesday, Jun 5
Ireland is changing its divorce laws because the current process is overly restrictive and unfair. ***
For example, to file the necessary paperwork, men actually have to leave the pub.
Tuesday, Jun 4
The Coach & Horses pub in London has just been granted a nudist license, so now the staff and
customers can all be naked. *** Men should probably not order their whiskey “on the rocks.”
Monday, Jun 3
A United Nations human rights investigator says Julian Assange has been suffering from
psychological torture. *** Dozens of visits from Pamela Anderson and she never wore her swimsuit from
Friday, May 31
In England, court documents have revealed how the wife of a jailed banker managed to run up
charges of $20 million dollars at Harrods. *** First of all, she didn’t use coupons.
Thursday, May 30
During a recent news conference, Congressman Jerry Nadler, Chairman of the House Judiciary
Committee, appeared to faint. *** He just heard that a republican had actually complied with one of his
Wednesday, May 29
In northern France, a 102 year old woman is suspected of killing her 92 year old neighbor. ***
Previously, her way of dealing with enemies was just to outlive them.
Tuesday, May 28
Lawyer Michael Avenatti has been charged with defrauding Stormy Daniels of $300,000 and committing
“identity theft.” *** Of course, that whole stolen identity thing fell apart when he did his first pole dance.
Friday, May 24
Grumpy the Cat has died. *** Had 9 lives, wanted 10.
Thursday, May 23
It was recently revealed that actor Luke Perry had been buried in an eco-friendly “mushroom suit.”
*** Seems strange, but I guess it’s just a matter of personal taste. Frankly, I’d prefer pepperoni.
Wednesday, May 22
Agriculture experts say President Trump’s tariffs on Chinese products is helping U.S. garlic farmers,
who had difficulty competing with cheaper garlic from China. *** China, however, has threatened to
retaliate by withholding all shipments of breath mints.
Tuesday, May 21
Facebook officials recently revealed a serious security flaw in the “WhatsApp” platform. *** They said
that due to a loophole in the software, it’s possible for the site to be used by seniors.
Monday, May 20
According to an extensive study by the Reputation Institute, the retailer that has established the best
reputation is Barnes & Noble. *** Actually, Barnes & Noble didn’t “write the book” on developing a good
reputation, but they probably sold it.
|High Impact Humor
|HIGH IMPACT HUMOR can add a
humorous introduction to your speech, use
humor to "punch up" a speech you've
already written, or write your entire speech.
Turnaround can be as quick as 24 hours.
operated by Bill Mihalic, a professional
comedy writer with a background in the
corporate offices of the Detroit auto industry.
Bill's material has frequently been used
by Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, Kevin
Ferguson's "Nightshift" TV show, Tom Ryan on
WOMC and the New York Times "Laugh
Lines." He has supplied humorous speeches for
featured speakers at Detroit area events as well
as comedy sketches and song parodies for
theaters in Branson, Missouri.
|Bill has been the Master of Ceremonies and
performed his stand-up comedy at numerous comedy
clubs, fundraisers and special events. His signature
humor is about the trials and tribulations of aging. Bill
can also mix his humor with a factual, anecdote-filled
presentation on "The Serious Business of Comedy."
(Click "Performing" to see video clips.)